Sex

Proverbs 5:18-19 “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.”

1. Is sex sinful?

The creator of sex is God not Satan. God created sex before the first sin took place.
Genesis 1:27-28 “So God created people in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male and female he created them. God blessed them and told them, “Multiply and fill the earth and subdue it …””
Genesis 2:24 “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
God’s will is that a man and a woman would be one flesh – live in a sexual relationship but do it only in marriage. Sex is sinful outside marriage. God’s will is that people would never have sexual relations outside marriage.
Hebrews 13:4 “Give honour to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”
There is nothing dirty or filthy in sex inside marriage but it is holy.

2. Why did God create sex?

Is sex just a mean to have children?
Most of the scriptures in the Bible talk about sex as a pleasure between spouses. Proverbs 5:18-19 encourages God’s men to enjoy, take delight in his wife. It also contains word “always” not just when a woman is fertile. So sex has another function besides having children – to create a strong bond of being one between a man and his wife.

It is God’s will that spouses would experience being one in soul, spirit and body in God. And there is God’s holiness in that being. Sex is holy – it is something very beautiful that God has given to spouses to enjoy each other, to give them to each other again and again. There is nothing shameful in there.
Genesis 2:25 “Now, though Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame.”

God has not given sexual relationship between spouses as just a way to communicate but He has given it as a command. God commands spouses to satisfy each other’s sexual needs in tenderness and love.

1 Corinthians 7:2-5 “But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife. So do not deprive each other of sexual relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterward they should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control. ”

So it is not a husband’s or wife’s decision whether to be in sexual relations with the spouse or not, it is his/her obligation before God. Your body belongs to your spouse.
God gives only one reason to abandon sex – if both the spouses want it, as an agreement1 Corinthians 7:5

3. What could cause problems in sex life?

A husband and wife do not talk about the subject – about their desires and expectations, they feel embarrassed, one assumes the spouse automatically knows his/her expectations;
Fear of pregnancy;
Saying “no” to spouse’s sexual desires;

When we picture the situation, with saying “no” we open a door for Satan and in addition to that we also bow respectfully and ask him to come in our marriage – temptations are easy to come.
With saying “no” we do not just refuse to satisfy spouse’s sexual desires but it is actually a hit to his/her heart.
A man experiences anxiety – I cannot satisfy my wife, she does not want to be with me, I cannot manage. There is anxiety, uncertainty and no satisfaction in his heart.
A woman experiences anxiety – I do not attract my husband any more, inferiority grows. Her soul is very hurt. There is a longing in a woman’s heart to be desired and wanted by her husband. God has created her with a desire to devote to her husband. If a woman experiences fending from her husband, the glow in her disappears.

Wrong shame – inferiority;
Wrong attitude – purpose to be first satisfied yourself;

God has created both man and woman to take satisfaction from sexual relations. It is important to think of one’s spouse, satisfying him/her not of one’s own needs. If both sides desire to give the best to the other, both will be satisfied.
A sexologist has said, “There are no frigid women, there are just inapt men.”
A difference between men and women is that in most cases men are satisfied quicker than women. It does not mean that all these women are frigid (in reality frigidity occurs really seldom). It is man’s part to get to know his wife and wife’s part to tell her husband about her desires.
I know a case where a wife faked satisfaction for her husband for years until she got tired of it. Unfortunately their marriage shattered.

Overworking, continuous tiredness;
Absence of romance, cooling of love;
Problems caused by old age.

Look at your spouse with God’s eyes; desire to give your best, spread your heart before him/her. Your spouse is God’s gift to you; God has put so much beautiful and special inside of him/her and you have been given an opportunity to find it. Use the opportunity!

Song of songs 7: 11-13 “I am my lover’s, the one he desires. Come, my love, let us go out into the fields and spend the night among wildflowers. Let us get up early and go out to the vineyards. Let us see whether the vines have budded, whether the pomegranates are in flower. And there I will give you my love. ”

Lela Lõhmus

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