Romance

Song of Songs 4:7 “You are so beautiful, my beloved, so perfect in every part.” Romantic love – it revives, brightens life, joins, makes eyes shine, makes the heart desire, wants to give the best.

John 10:10 “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.” Satan wants to steal romantic love from marriages, lying:

• Romantic love (the first love) always fades;
• Life has to become ferial, boring – it is inevitable;
• There is no point in working hard, where would my spouse go anyway;
• I am not in love with him/her any more;
• I do not think he/she is the right person for me;
• I have tried, but I cannot do that any more;
• I am too old and tired;
• Etc.

God’s will is that there would be romantic love between a husband and his wife.
Revelation 2:4-5 “Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place – unless you repent.”

1 John 5:2 “By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and keep His commandments.”

God’s desire is that we would, first of all, love Him passionately and that we would love our neighbours, too (first of all, our spouse). He calls us to repent if our hearts have cooled off. Therefore we are responsible before God if we do not have the first love in our hearts for our spouses. God advises – repent and start doing your first works – remember what you did at the beginning, how you acted. So it is not a women’s caprice for romance but God’s command for all spouses – to live our lives with the first love all the time.

We have been told, “Live together for twenty years and then we’ll see about your first love.” Actually, romantic love does not depend on time but our relationship with God, our decisions and will. For some couples, romantic love may come to and end already on their honeymoon but it may carry others even when their heads have been grey for a long time. The most important is to know that it is God’s will and if it is His will, then He comes to help us in our weaknesses if we only ask and want Him to. Out of our own “flesh” no one can do that. But in God everything is possible.

Why is our first love important to God?

It keeps us close to God, in God – our hearts are filled with love, full of desire. This makes us strong in God.
It is the same in marriage – the first love (romantic love) “glues” the spouses into one, unites them, helps them be and stay as one. It is necessary, so that the marriage could be happy and strong – God knows that.
So, the issue of romantic love is not just good for women to hear but it has a deep meaning – there is God’s will and command behind it.

What is romantic love, what are the recognition marks?

• A desire to be together, spend time together;
• A desire to hold hands, kiss, embrace;
• A desire to say compliments, express love, fondness, concern;
• A desire to surprise the other, do good to the other;
• A sexual desire.

What hinders romantic love to endure?

• If people do not live in their roles nor fill their duties as God has taught in His Word: the wife is a helper, the husband is the leader, the wife is a subject to her husband in everything and the husband loves his wife and his not harsh to her. The wife being the leader and ruler in the family kills the romance!
• The couple does not live their sexual life according to the principle of giving – one must always share the sexual affection with the spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:3-4  “The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife.”)
• Sharp words, accusations, emotional unfaithfulness.
  Ephesians 4:31 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behaviour.”

How to live in romantic love?

Love needs to be fed every day, so its flame would not fade!!!

• Pray together, worship God together, serve God together – be one in God ’s Spirit.
• Take a certain time in your calendar to be alone with your spouse – to see only him/her, listen to only him/her – never compromise here saying that the life is busy, let us postpone it, the next month etc.
• Pay attention to your vocabulary and tone of voice (ask God to help you) – does your speech includes loving, caring words, do you make compliments.
• Do not be lazy to do something different from everyday life – bring flowers, make gifts (no one says that a gift has to be expensive – it can be a little milk chocolate), make surprises (a little picnic for example).
• Be open hearted to share your heart, worries, desires, visions with your spouse (often our conversations come down to “how was the work”, “the baby did this and that ” etc).
• Do not be ashamed of touches – it is embrace, kiss, be tender and loving, express your love.
• Do not be ashamed of being a loving spouse outside your home, too – this is a great testimony to others but even a greater testimony to your spouse – you are not ashamed of him/her.
• Use every moment God gives to share your love with the other.
• Have romantic evenings.

What you reap is what you sow. If we sow time, the most precious asset, into our marriage, then we will reap the fruits of a happy marriage.

Lela Lõhmus

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