HomeEngagement – how to prepare your heart for marriage
a) God has created marriage and given it His blessing.
Genesis 5:2 “He created them male and female,
and he blessed them…”
God’s purpose for marriage – to serve God, walk in His will reflecting
and communicating God’s unity. God’s will is that the spouses
would be one in marriage.
John 17:11 “…Holy Father, keep them
and care for them – all those you have given me – so that they
will be united just as we are.” God has given us directions in His
word how to be one with your spouse.
Genesis 2:24 “This explains why a man leaves
his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into
one.” God has set marriage as a lifelong contract – it is a responsibility
before God and men.
Matthew 19:6 “Since they are no longer two
but one, let no one separate them, for god has joined them together.”
b) How to prepare yourself to be one with another person?
It does not happen overnight. Engagement is time where two people are
preparing themselves to become one, they are preparing for marriage.
Spiritual preparation
Romans 12:2 “Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is. ”
Seek God, seek fellowship with Him, pray. Start praying with your future spouse. Meditate about God’s things, share your visions with each other. Study scriptures about marriage. Go to a marriage seminar together, talk about this things with each other.
Practical preparation
Matthew 13:45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it. ”
- There may be many things one has to give up for a happy marriage. Two
people coming from different environments, they may have different hobbies,
different friends, different families etc. Your first priority after God
is now your future spouse – he/she is the most important person in
this world for you. To become one with him/her both of you have to give
in occasionally. My hobbies have to become our hobbies (abandon what is
absolutely unabridged to your partner). My friends have to become our mutual
friends etc.
- Preparing parents and close friends.
One good supposition for starting marriage happily is to break the “chains” that connect us to our parents. It is especially important to do that if your parents are not Christians.
Genesis 2:24 “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Sometimes parents subconsciously hold on to their children afraid to lose them to others. This is wrong! You are creating your family and starting with your wedding you do not submit to your parents any more, but the wife submits to her husband and the husband submits to God. You cannot submit to more than one person at the time. Find a time and a place to explain this principle to your parents. You are not abandoning them! You love them but you are going to have your own family, own responsibility and a new relationship of subordination. Find yourself a home apart from your parents.
- A change in relationship between you and your close friend(s) will take place, too. The closest person to you now is your future spouse. Instead of your friends he/she will be the one to share your mind and heart with. You should not discuss your future husband with others. Doing that you are being emotionally unfaithful to him.
Emotional preparation
- Future spouses are starting to become transparent for each other – it
means that you share with each other your heart, your past, your
thoughts, your feelings. There is no room for hypocrisy in that relationship,
there
is total honesty (even if it should somehow make you look bad in
the eyes of your future partner). Ephesians 5:13 “But
all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever
makes manifest is light.” (NKJV)
Let God’s light to shine on both of you for each other. If you cannot speak to each other about anything, are you really ready for marriage?
- Preparation for roles – both the man and the woman are preparing
themselves for the future roles (as in the theatre – it is good to
know your part before going to the stage). Even though they do not live
in it yet, they are thinking and talking about it. Man – a loving
leader, priest in the family, the one to take responsibility. Woman – a
supporter, an aid, acknowledger and encourager of her husband.
- Sex – engagement is not marriage before marriage! You are promised
not given to each other by God.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honour, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know god; That no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness.” (NKJV) NB! It is better to break off the engagement that to marry the “wrong” person!
Lela Lõhmus
| Top of page |